The Ferengi Rules of Aqcuisition(Ferengi)

By Grand Nagus Gint

1. Once you have their money, you never give it back. [Rom, "The Nagus"]
3. Never spend more for an acquisition than you have to. [Quark, "The Maquis Part II"]
6. Never allow family to stand in the way of opportunity. [Zek, "The Nagus"]
7. Keep your ears open. [Odo, "Hands of the Prophet"]
8. Small print leads to large risk. [TRFA, pg. 6]
9. Opportunity plus instinct equals profit. [Nog, "The Storyteller"]
10. Greed is eternal. [Quark, "Prophet Motive"]
13. Anything worth doing is worth doing for money. [TRFA, pg. 9]
16. A deal is a deal ...until a better one comes along. [Quark, "Melora"]
18. A Ferengi without profit is no Ferengi at all. [Ben Sisko & Nog, "Heart of Stone"]
19. Satisfaction is not guaranteed. [TRFA, pg. 12]
21. Never place friendship above profit. [Quark, "Rules of Acquisition"]
22. A wise man can hear profit in the wind. [Pel, "Rules of Acquisition"]
27. There's nothing more dangerous than an honest businessman. [TRFA, pg. 16]
31. Never make fun of a Ferengi's mother. [Quark, "The Siege"]
33. It never hurts to suck up to the boss. [Quark & Pel, "Rules of Acquisition"]
34. War is good for business. [Quark & Dax, "Destiny"]
35. Peace is good for business. [Quark & Dax, "Destiny"]
40. She can touch your lobes but never your latinum. [TRFA, pg. 23]
41. Profit is its own reward. [TRFA, pg. 24]
44. Never confuse wisdom with luck. [TRFA, pg. 25]
47. Never trust anyone whose suit is nicer than your own. [Quark, "Rivals"]
48. The bigger the smile, the sharper the knife. [Pel, "Rules of Acquisition"]
52. Never ask when you can take. [TRFA, pg. 28]
57. Good customers are as rare as latinum, treasure them. [Quark, "Armageddon Game"]
58. There is no substitute for success. [TRFA, pg. 30]
59. Free advice is seldom cheap. [Quark, "Rules of Acquisition"]
60. Keep your lies consistent. [TRFA, pg. 33]
62. The riskier the road, the greater the profit. [Pel, "Rules of Acquisition"]
65. Win or lose, there's always Huyperian beetle snuff. [TRFA, pg. 36]
75. Home is where the heart is, but the stars are made of latinum. [Quark, "Civil Defense"]
76. Every once in a while declare peace. It confuses the hell out of your enemies. [Quark, "The Homecoming"]
79. Beware of the Vulcan greed for knowledge. [TRFA, pg. 41]
82. The flimsier the product, the higher the price. [TRFA, pg. 42]
85. Never let the competition know what you're thinking. [TRFA, pg. 43]
89. Ask not what your profits can do for you, ask what you can do for your profits. [TRFA, pg. 44]
94. Females and finances don't mix. [TRFA, pg. 46]
97. never enough. [TRFA, pg. 47]
99. Trust is the biggest liability of all. [TRFA, pg. 48]
102. Nature decays, latinum last forever. [Quark & Nog, "The Jem'Hadar"]
103. Sleep can interfere .... [cut off] [Pel, "Rules of Acquisition"]
104. Faith moves mountains...of inventory. [TRFA, pg. 50]
106. There is no honor in poverty. [TRFA, pg. 51]
109. Dignity and an empty sack is worth the sack. [Quark, "Rivals"]
111. Treat people in your debt like family. Exploit them. [Ben Sisko, "Past Tense, Part I"]
112. Never have sex with the boss's sister. [Quark, "Playing God"]
113. Always have sex with the boss. [TRFA, pg. 56]
121. Everything is for sale, including friendship. [TRFA, pg. 58]
123. Even a blind man can recognize the glow of latinum. [TRFA, pg. 59]
139. Wives serve, brothers inherit. [Odo, "Necessary Evil"]
141. Only fools pay retail. [TRFA, pg. 61]
144. There's nothing wrong with long as it winds up in your pocket. [TRFA, pg. 62]
162. Even in the worst of times someone turns a profit. [TRFA, pg. 63]
177. Know your enemies...but do business with them always. [TRFA, pg. 64]
181. Not even dishonesty can tarnish the shine of profit. [TRFA, pg. 65]
189. Let others keep their reputation. You keep their money. [TRFA, pg. 66]
190. Hear all, trust nothing. [Ben Sisko & Nog, "A Call to Arms"]
192. Never cheat a Klingon...unless you're sure you can get away with it. [TRFA, pg. 67]
194. It's always good business to know about new customers before they walk in your door. [Quark, "Whispers"]
202. The justification of profit is profit. [TRFA, pg. 69]
203. New customers are like razor toothed gree worms, they can be succulent, but sometimes they bite back. [Rom, "Little Green Men"]
208. Sometimes the only thing more dangerous than a question is an answer.  [Zek, "Ferengi Love Songs"]
211. Employees are the rungs on the ladder to success. Don't hesitate to step on them. [Frool, "The Bar Association"]
214. Never begin a business negotiation on an empty stomach. [Quark, "The Maquis Part I"]
217. You can't free a fish from water. [Quark, "Past Tense, Part I"]
218. Always know what you're buying. [TRFA, pg. 71]
223. Beware the man who doesn't make time for oo-mox. [TRFA, pg. 72]
229. Latinum lasts longer than lust. [TRFA, pg. 74]
236. You can't buy fate. [TRFA, pg. 75]
239. Never be afraid to mislabel a product. [Grand Nagus Gint, "Body Parts"]
242. More is good...all is better. [TRFA, pg. 76]
255. A wife is a luxury...a smart accountant a necessity. [TRFA, pg. 77]
261. A wealthy man can afford anything except a conscience. [TRFA, pg. 78]
263. Never allow doubt to tarnish your lust for latinum. [Rom, "The Bar Association"]
266. When in doubt, lie. [TRFA, pg. 79]
284. Deep down everyone's a Ferengi. [TRFA, pg. 80]
285. No good deed ever goes unpunished. [Quark, "The Collaborator"]

Revised for the Modern Ferengi

Ferengi Text

1. If they want their money back, give it to them. [Quark, "Prophet Motive"]

10. Greed is dead. [Quark, "Prophet Motive"]

21. Never place profit before friendship. [Rom, "Prophet Motive"]

22. Latinum tarnishes, but family is forever. [Rom, "Prophet Motive"]

23. Money can never replace dignity. [Rom, "Prophet Motive"]

285. A good deed is its own reward. [Rom, "Prophet Motive"]

The revised rules are from the "Prophet Motive," wherein Grand Nagus Zek was made into an altruistic little Ferengi by the Prophets of Bajor. Zek's revised rules were rejected, and all copies were destroyed after Zek was back to normal.
TFRA indicates that the rule is from the paper back book The Ferengi Rules of Acquisition.

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